©2014 Thomas W Morley |     All rights reserved.

Patience And My Tumour


Well it has not been the easiest of weeks; so very strange to carry such a passenger around in your head, waiting to liberate ones self from the constant and quite irritating symptoms caused. Also, it is such a joy to know and mull over in your mind that, once removed, recovery will be an unknown quantity and patience will be required.

There is a given. I know now, that I will loose the hearing in my right side completely, and that it can be a long but usually successful road, recovering from the facial palsy I will suffer from the operation. The unknown questions over my eyesight, balance and memory are the pieces of this puzzle that most frustrate and frighten, especially since my camera and documentary work are two of the most important parts of my life. Hopefully it will, at the most, take just the effort to relearn new ways of doing things.

Sometimes it feels like someone is crushing my head but without the agony. Nothing hurts, apart from the headaches, but when you stop your normal life everything becomes more apparent. More pronounced. When I do find some peace from it, the tinnitus is always there to then drive me round the bend and remind me that discomfort is never easy and requires patience.

This week I filled out benefit forms. How dreadful to need to, quite frankly, but necessary right now. It is not easy to find out from our beloved government what you are, in their opinion, entitled to. Entitled, there is a dreadful word especially when used by people in positions of power. Years of paying tax and national insurance and never wanting to be in a place where I need this type of help. And it all falls down to entitlement. Well three forms later and a brain that can’t quite cope with this type of bureaucracy right now, for obvious reasons, and people at the other end of the telephone quite uncaring and matter of fact. It becomes very tiring being treated as if you are a liar, quite apart from the forms themselves.

The forms are quite obviously designed to make you mad. To put people off claiming and test your patience to the limit. I suppose this was a tactic thought up by some over rich conservative MP trying to come up with a way of saving our countries economy. A strange attitude to cultivate, since the majority of people forced to claim this sort of support, are I believe, from the very poorest parts of our communities. I wonder why our government thinks this a good idea, taking help from the poorest, and yet on the other hand quite happy to line the pockets of the rich with unsavoury policies claiming we can’t risk loosing them. Maybe they are too important. What can I say, maybe I will leave this point to others to argue over but I do have one great idea and one mysteriously linked to our health service. Surely a small saving might be made, by removing such bureaucratic nonsense from systems created by people who actually believe the majority of claimants are liars and fraudulent. I would like to know the figures, when it comes to cost in the implementation of such systems. I do know though, that in reality there are very few people abusing it and that the ones who do claim, don’t actually want to.

It is a shame that our society seems to have cultured such a stigma over people needing help. In life you never know what is round the corner. I am sure that I will not be entitled to much, if anything. I wonder if there is a condition that would benefit my claim, maybe if my legs fell off and my head was rolling down the road?  Oh no silly me I should have taken out a PPI policy.

Anyway just writing this has brought on tiredness so I will make myself a cup of tea I can’t taste and finish filling out another form I can’t fathom. Well I suppose it gives us unemployed something to do and teaches us patience.



Comments (7)

  1. Gordon

    So that will be you me And Tom WCC and maybe Winky who are partily deaf – I feel the formation of the deaf club.
    Thinking of you

  2. gin

    Wishing you a swift and uneventful recovery x
    Pls post update on Facebook – sure some people worried no post since before op! Take care Tom.

    • Thomas Morley

      Hi Virginia, I hope so too… lovely to hear from you. Hope all is well with you and the family. Make sure your father knows I say hi and that wretched beast of a brother.. Only kidding, hope everyone is doing well.

  3. Paul

    Hi Tom
    Farha and I had heard a few month ago that you hadn’t been so well but hadn’t realised how ill you had been so our apologies for not being in touch all sounds pretty gruesome, no surprise at your frustration in the NHS there are good and very bad as I’m sure you’ve found. We both wish you a swift and full recovery Tom

    Kind regards Paul and Farha


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