So, on Wednesday 22nd of January, I will be of to hospital to begin my tests. A day of having to lie still and do what I am told so I better get used to it for now and be a good boy, since there will be many months of this ahead for me. I will be enduring a day of MRI and CT scans as well as hearing, eyesight and blood tests. And I am presuming that the results will be discussed with me at the end of what is for me an exhausting day. I never thought I would ever feel quite so tired after doing normal things, waiting I think will be the biggest part of it all, but just the simplest tasks drain all the energy from my body and I find completely unable to stop myself from falling asleep.
I have become great at passing out, particularly good in waiting rooms. I have now been woken up for the appointments I am waiting for, four times and I have had to be poked to bring me back to life, completely dead to the world. It’s a shame I can’t sleep as well at night. I never thought taking it easy would be quite so boring or so exhausting.
I’m still not sure how I feel about it. Frustrated, desperate to have the tumour removed and quite irritated that it has got in the way of life, well the one I would like to be having and had been planning, but one has to accept the situation, presumption of the future can bring great disappointments but it does not stop me planning in my head for my next trip away, a goal if you like.
Another very annoying symptom, and something quite catastrophic, well for me anyway. Is the effect it is having on my taste bud’s. I now have a constant metallic taste in my mouth, which is quite dreadful, but its knock on effect is that I am unable to taste or enjoy anything. I say anything but Gin and tonics are acceptable. I dream of roast rib of beef, Yorkshire puddings, mussels, collops of Venison, rabbit stews, fillets of salmon, baked oysters with almonds, truffle omelette with cognac and cream, asparagus with morels, Dover sole in a black butter, lobsters in calvados, veal escallops with Dijon mustard, cassoulet, duckling with green peas, game pies and pickles, plum soufflés, baked cheese cakes, cherry pie, baked apples in pastry and vanilla whipped cream, chocolate truffle pies and chocolate whisky cake…….. Oh god and all washed down with a robust wine and finished with Armagnac. I think that’s the dream I’m having.
You have no idea how much I just love food, all food from offal to pies and puddings and from all over the world, good or bad food with a lovely wine is in my opinion, one of the most enjoyable things in life so I hope the removal of my un wanted interloper brings back my joy once more.
I suppose it is funny how one copes with a situation like this. Being told the news in the beginning never really sank in and I found myself more interested in my newfound friend, than worried. I think it might have affected the part of my brain that gives a damn but it could be said that went years ago. My obsession with food and the desperate need to head back out with my camera could be said to be a symptom but there is no doubt it is quite easy to concentrate on things that you can’t have immediately.
Right now I have a loving wife, family and friends and it is quite enough, in-fact when it all comes down to it, it’s all you need and it has without doubt given me far more empathy with my fellow-man. Maybe I will become more patient, cleaner living, less attracted by pubs and fine wine, uninterested in that socially unacceptable cigarette. But maybe not!!